How to influence at all levels

Notes from influence course I attended

  1. Understanding the impact of “influence”
  2. Utilise the skills of influencing and persuading others
  3. Interpret other people’s communication styles and messages and “mirror and mathc effectively”

What is “Influence”?

Words associated with influential people – organises, planning time, get attention, positive, calm, democratic, steering consenus, open minded, concise, good at hearing others, no waffle, unaffected, no hidden agenda, authentic, analytical, optimist, encouraging, delegating, fresh ideas, no reactive.

Persuasion and manipulation

Use of power – power of personality-charisma, power of authority, power of knowledge, power of status.


  • Impact (9)
  • Rapport (7)
  • Questioning (5)
  • Listening (3)
  • Body Language (12)
  • Persuarion (5)
  • Assertion (3)

Introduce myself clearly, keep networking, be better at keeping information (names & job titles), 80% of problems come from 20%. Become a lower rector – sit and wait. 80% questions and 20% listen. Push (assertive) – “that’s might thoughts or what’s your view”. Pull (persuasive) – “before I give my thought what do you think”

Pain or gain – pain is a higher influencer e.g. risk. Rebrand – improvement, updates. Redo – new intiative, different.

Winning Hearts and Minds

  • Prepare, know facts, find the hidden agenda – Wait, read situations, pullaway (lead away from the herd), prepare questions and objections. Wait and don’t say if it doesn’t come up. Don’t use it if its not necessary. Read the room. “I would like to hear from you”. Keep your opinions. Eyes up.
  • Discuss brainstorm opinions, test the depth of feeling
  • Anticipate likely reaction, persuade with good arguments
  • Build an “argeement” staircase, the positive “push” – most likely get to – challenging
  • Gain confirmation and committment

Left Brain – Languages, Processing, detail, steps, small steps – control

Right Brain – visual, patterns, colours, emotions, boredom threshold, quick decisions.

How to work with right brains? – “Leave it with me” they will not come back to you. Best target getting cup of tea and send a reminder email confirmaiton of what was discussed.

Communication tools

  • Words (7%) – questions/ strong statements. Eliminate weak words, verbal clutter and pre-emptative construction. Build up – “I want to make this point” strong, clear statement. Not like, sort of, suppose!
  • Voice (38%) – pace, tone, pitch and silence – pausing and stressing. Low reactors
  • Body Language (55%) – open/neutral/ closed gestures. Mirroring and matching. Eye contact and personal space awareness. Facial expressions, hand movement, seating positions, neutral expression. Neurolinguistic programming.


Action Plan

  • Plan 3-4 open ended questions for each meeting
  • Dig and probe before reviving your views and thoughts “I would like to hear what you think first” and remain open minded- every opinion has equal weight.
  • Become a lower reactor – neutral expression and unaffected by decisions
  • Don’t over talk, waffle or talk over people – exclude what is not important and focus on concise communication of key messages.
  • Don’t ask questions and answer them
  • Phrase things as “issues”, “anolomies” and “challenges”
  • Ask lots of questions
  • Look up and read the room sometimes you don’t have to say anymore if they have won over the room. Look for allies in the room.
  • “Thats an interesting point” ” How about we have a look at ” ” hey should we think abotu this”



Recommend reading

  • Nudge – Thaler & Sunstein
  • Influence – getting to yes the art of persuasion – Dr Robert Galdini
    • Reciprocity – give back to someone who give to us – don’t give away you time for free – “I will do that but I have this” “I have this can you do this” ” get back somethings or bank it”
    • Scarcity – how things scores availability – how rare or uncommon time, skills, expertise,
    • Committment & consistency – consist in what we have done
    • Consensus – social proof – follow leads of similar others e.g. different cards in hotels for guest about towels “A majority of visitors do this”